His story
I've always thought my Dad's life would make a great book or movie. Maybe one day I will have the time and means to immortalise his story. But for now, my way of honouring Dad is by making this webpage. I also hope that one day, his grandchildren (and future grandchildren) will be able to learn more about him by reading this.
James Lee Phenix came into the world around midnight, on August 19th 1942 in San Diego, California's Naval Hospital. He was the eldest son of Elmer "Jack" Phenix & Verl "Geri" Love. His father was born in Missouri and had five siblings; Dad was named after an uncle. Dad's father joined the Marines in 1932 and fought in WW2 and the Korean War, before working his way up in the Military Police Corps. Geri was also born in Missouri (in a farm near Jack's family!) where her father was a profitable wheat farmer, before losing everything in the Great Depression. After marrying Jack in 1938, Geri went on to become a successful businesswoman & building contractor in her own right.
Dad had a sister, Jacquie, a brother, Ray, and a half-sister, Ronni. As his father was a career Marine, moving was a way of life; Dad lived in 17 different towns and cities growing up. Because of all the moving, the family weren't keen on vacations; but they did all visit Disneyland California in the first week it opened in 1955. Dad's favourite pastimes included hiking, camping, reading, riding horses & playing cards. In high school, Dad excelled at long distance running and represented California in the cross country running state championships. His father, who was also a shooting instructor in the Marines, taught him how to shoot and so Dad ended up qualifying for more state finals. The first vinyl record Dad ever bought was 'Jailhouse Rock' by Elvis. He told me he played it so much that his stepmother would threaten to break the record in half! Dad went to Northern Arizona University in Flagstaff, but did not complete his degree. Instead, he chose to follow in his father's footsteps (after retiring from the military) in qualifying as a barber. I am fully convinced that this, paired with his military influence, was why Dad loved me having pixie/boyish haircuts growing up! He was a barber for one year, before deciding to move to Malaysia in the early 60s. You might be wondering how on earth, at 21 years old, he ended up moving permanently to the other side of the world... well, that is a story that could probably fill an entirely separate book or movie on its own!
Dad's mother went on to marry a businessman called Al Lieboff. Whilst on a honeymoon trip around Asia in 1961, they fell in love with a small, developing country called Malaya. They felt it had great potential, and set about thinking of business ideas that could work there. Their light-bulb moment was to bring fast food to an entirely new audience, as well as feed the British and American military troops who longed for a taste of home. They bought the franchise license for A&W, and opened up their first branch in Kuala Lumpur's Batu Road (which Dad managed) in 1963. On its opening day, patrons flocked to try American fare and police had to be called to handle the crowds/traffic. That day, 800 hamburgers, 600 hotdogs & 60 gallons of root beer was sold. It was the first Western fast-food restaurant in South East Asia, and a second branch (a drive-in restaurant in nearby Petaling Jaya) opened up in 1967. In 1968, my Mum, who was a legal secretary at the time, decided to visit Batu Road's A&W on her lunch break. I would love to say that their eyes met across the crowded restaurant, but Dad admits it was Mum's tiny mini skirt which caught his eye! He went over to introduce himself, and I guess the rest is history. After three years of dating, Mum & Dad married in 1971. My brothers Jeff & Kevin arrived in 1973 and 1975, respectively. Additional business ventures for the Phenix family followed, including Godfather's Pizza and a pub called The Brass Rail. When the two boys were young, A&W was sold and Dad went on to help set up the Asian branch of an express courier company called DHL. To progress further as a regional manager, Dad went back to university to gain a business qualification. He started at the University of Middlesex in September 1984 (just before I was born), joining both my brothers who were already living in England attending Bedford boarding school. Mum & I flew over from Malaysia when I was a few weeks old, and we all lived in England together for 11 months.
Right before I turned one, Dad took the chance to work for DHL Singapore. We ended up living there until 1994. My childhood was extremely idyllic, stable and fun. Dad's job meant that he travelled a lot, training DHL staff all across Asia-Pacific. So when he was home, our time together was precious. I have vivid memories of him taking me to the local playground or MacRitchie reservoir. Sundays were "Daddy-Daughter Day" (strictly no Mum allowed!) and we would always go for brunch at Denny's, Tony Roma's or the American Club, bringing a pack of cards to play at the table. We started off with Uno, then as I got older he taught me poker and "Shithead". We also loved to watch football, Cheers, Murphy Brown & Allo Allo together. On Sundays, he would get an Indian takeaway as a treat for when we caught up on Premier League highlights. I am grateful that his passion for sports filtered down to his three children. The sports he adored the most were baseball, football, boxing and golf. He told us that Mum even volunteered to be his caddy whilst they were courting. During his time with A&W, Dad organised the catering for Muhammad Ali vs Joe Bugner - a title fight at KL's Merdeka Stadium in 1975. He loved telling us of their brief exchange, and how friendly, articulate and quick-witted Ali was. As I got a bit older, Dad started taking me along with him on his travels. I used to love going through his passport, examining all the colourful, exotic stamps he had collected. During his time at DHL, he had visited every single continent, apart from Antarctica. A trait that I am glad to have inherited from him is a sense of fun and impulse - Dad was amazing at surprises. When I was about 6, he drove us to the National Auditorium and refused to tell me why (despite my constant badgering). When we got inside, I screamed with delight, as we had tickets to the WWF World Tour. This might not seem like a big deal, but it was to me, as Dad HATED wrestling with a passion - but he knew how much I enjoyed it. His love for surprises also went hand-in-hand with his sense of spontaneity. One day, after I had just come home from school, Dad rang the house to say he had finished work early and that Mum & I needed to be ready in 20 minutes. We later heard an unfamiliar honk outside; there Dad was, sitting in a shiny new convertible, grinning his head off. His good friend at work had bought a brand new sports car and Dad had somehow convinced him to let us borrow it for the night! We went out for a lovely meal, then watched Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves together at the cinema.
When I was around 11 or 12, Dad took me aside and dropped a massive bombshell - I was being sent to boarding school in the UK. I remember feeling so angry and upset. I was at a stage where I felt settled and happy, forming crucial friendships/relations at school. Accepting my fate, we agreed to make a joint decision on which school I would attend. After 19 years at DHL, Dad became a Negotiator for a Scottish company, so one of the contenders we visited was a bleak girls' school in Edinburgh (which Dad joked that I would be fed gruel at). Luckily, we both fell in love with a different school called Benenden. Our search for a school came to a swift halt and I moved to Kent by myself in the summer of 1998. My first year in England was so hard - tearful phone calls, begging to come home were a weekly occurrence, but Dad was firm and told me to stick it out. My second year was a little easier, but I would have moved back to Malaysia in a heartbeat. Dad said to trust him and that one day I would realise how much of a sacrifice they both made for me. By my third year in England, the patience and perseverance he had taught me had paid off - I finally felt settled and had the perfect circle of friends. When it came to half term breaks, Dad would often schedule his business trips to coincide and we would go on adventures together, just me and him - e.g. to New York and Chicago. I was so proud that Dad did not miss a single Parents Evening during my entire time at Benenden; teachers would always tell me how impressed they were with his efforts, despite him living abroad. During our travels together, I remember something Dad told me that will stay with me forever. He said he was proud of the person I was becoming, and that he enjoyed spending time with me - not because he had to, as I was his daughter, but because he genuinely liked my company. He said that if we weren't family, he would choose me as a friend. I will remember that for the rest of my life.
Throughout my adult years, Dad continued to be a significant figure in my life. Despite the distance, he & Mum were always there for help, comfort or guidance. Hindsight is a wonderful thing - I am forever grateful that he insisted I stayed in England all those years ago, as it has helped change and shape me for the better. When my life started falling apart in 2013, one of my first thoughts was that I did not want to disappoint my parents. I was scared of how they would feel and worried they would see me as a failure. As clear as day, I remember my Dad's face and words during the first Skype call we had after I had moved up North at the start of 2014. All he cared about was that I was OK and he told me how much he loved me and that he would support any choice I made. In the years that followed, his failing health coincided with a sense of peace he felt for me. Peace that I had managed to find happiness again, peace that he knew Paul would look after me, peace that I was starting to pursue my interests and dreams, and peace that I was being the truest version of myself. I am grateful every single day that I was blessed with such an amazing, intelligent and kind father - and I made sure he knew how I felt about him before he passed.
James Lee Phenix came into the world around midnight, on August 19th 1942 in San Diego, California's Naval Hospital. He was the eldest son of Elmer "Jack" Phenix & Verl "Geri" Love. His father was born in Missouri and had five siblings; Dad was named after an uncle. Dad's father joined the Marines in 1932 and fought in WW2 and the Korean War, before working his way up in the Military Police Corps. Geri was also born in Missouri (in a farm near Jack's family!) where her father was a profitable wheat farmer, before losing everything in the Great Depression. After marrying Jack in 1938, Geri went on to become a successful businesswoman & building contractor in her own right.
Dad had a sister, Jacquie, a brother, Ray, and a half-sister, Ronni. As his father was a career Marine, moving was a way of life; Dad lived in 17 different towns and cities growing up. Because of all the moving, the family weren't keen on vacations; but they did all visit Disneyland California in the first week it opened in 1955. Dad's favourite pastimes included hiking, camping, reading, riding horses & playing cards. In high school, Dad excelled at long distance running and represented California in the cross country running state championships. His father, who was also a shooting instructor in the Marines, taught him how to shoot and so Dad ended up qualifying for more state finals. The first vinyl record Dad ever bought was 'Jailhouse Rock' by Elvis. He told me he played it so much that his stepmother would threaten to break the record in half! Dad went to Northern Arizona University in Flagstaff, but did not complete his degree. Instead, he chose to follow in his father's footsteps (after retiring from the military) in qualifying as a barber. I am fully convinced that this, paired with his military influence, was why Dad loved me having pixie/boyish haircuts growing up! He was a barber for one year, before deciding to move to Malaysia in the early 60s. You might be wondering how on earth, at 21 years old, he ended up moving permanently to the other side of the world... well, that is a story that could probably fill an entirely separate book or movie on its own!
Dad's mother went on to marry a businessman called Al Lieboff. Whilst on a honeymoon trip around Asia in 1961, they fell in love with a small, developing country called Malaya. They felt it had great potential, and set about thinking of business ideas that could work there. Their light-bulb moment was to bring fast food to an entirely new audience, as well as feed the British and American military troops who longed for a taste of home. They bought the franchise license for A&W, and opened up their first branch in Kuala Lumpur's Batu Road (which Dad managed) in 1963. On its opening day, patrons flocked to try American fare and police had to be called to handle the crowds/traffic. That day, 800 hamburgers, 600 hotdogs & 60 gallons of root beer was sold. It was the first Western fast-food restaurant in South East Asia, and a second branch (a drive-in restaurant in nearby Petaling Jaya) opened up in 1967. In 1968, my Mum, who was a legal secretary at the time, decided to visit Batu Road's A&W on her lunch break. I would love to say that their eyes met across the crowded restaurant, but Dad admits it was Mum's tiny mini skirt which caught his eye! He went over to introduce himself, and I guess the rest is history. After three years of dating, Mum & Dad married in 1971. My brothers Jeff & Kevin arrived in 1973 and 1975, respectively. Additional business ventures for the Phenix family followed, including Godfather's Pizza and a pub called The Brass Rail. When the two boys were young, A&W was sold and Dad went on to help set up the Asian branch of an express courier company called DHL. To progress further as a regional manager, Dad went back to university to gain a business qualification. He started at the University of Middlesex in September 1984 (just before I was born), joining both my brothers who were already living in England attending Bedford boarding school. Mum & I flew over from Malaysia when I was a few weeks old, and we all lived in England together for 11 months.
Right before I turned one, Dad took the chance to work for DHL Singapore. We ended up living there until 1994. My childhood was extremely idyllic, stable and fun. Dad's job meant that he travelled a lot, training DHL staff all across Asia-Pacific. So when he was home, our time together was precious. I have vivid memories of him taking me to the local playground or MacRitchie reservoir. Sundays were "Daddy-Daughter Day" (strictly no Mum allowed!) and we would always go for brunch at Denny's, Tony Roma's or the American Club, bringing a pack of cards to play at the table. We started off with Uno, then as I got older he taught me poker and "Shithead". We also loved to watch football, Cheers, Murphy Brown & Allo Allo together. On Sundays, he would get an Indian takeaway as a treat for when we caught up on Premier League highlights. I am grateful that his passion for sports filtered down to his three children. The sports he adored the most were baseball, football, boxing and golf. He told us that Mum even volunteered to be his caddy whilst they were courting. During his time with A&W, Dad organised the catering for Muhammad Ali vs Joe Bugner - a title fight at KL's Merdeka Stadium in 1975. He loved telling us of their brief exchange, and how friendly, articulate and quick-witted Ali was. As I got a bit older, Dad started taking me along with him on his travels. I used to love going through his passport, examining all the colourful, exotic stamps he had collected. During his time at DHL, he had visited every single continent, apart from Antarctica. A trait that I am glad to have inherited from him is a sense of fun and impulse - Dad was amazing at surprises. When I was about 6, he drove us to the National Auditorium and refused to tell me why (despite my constant badgering). When we got inside, I screamed with delight, as we had tickets to the WWF World Tour. This might not seem like a big deal, but it was to me, as Dad HATED wrestling with a passion - but he knew how much I enjoyed it. His love for surprises also went hand-in-hand with his sense of spontaneity. One day, after I had just come home from school, Dad rang the house to say he had finished work early and that Mum & I needed to be ready in 20 minutes. We later heard an unfamiliar honk outside; there Dad was, sitting in a shiny new convertible, grinning his head off. His good friend at work had bought a brand new sports car and Dad had somehow convinced him to let us borrow it for the night! We went out for a lovely meal, then watched Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves together at the cinema.
When I was around 11 or 12, Dad took me aside and dropped a massive bombshell - I was being sent to boarding school in the UK. I remember feeling so angry and upset. I was at a stage where I felt settled and happy, forming crucial friendships/relations at school. Accepting my fate, we agreed to make a joint decision on which school I would attend. After 19 years at DHL, Dad became a Negotiator for a Scottish company, so one of the contenders we visited was a bleak girls' school in Edinburgh (which Dad joked that I would be fed gruel at). Luckily, we both fell in love with a different school called Benenden. Our search for a school came to a swift halt and I moved to Kent by myself in the summer of 1998. My first year in England was so hard - tearful phone calls, begging to come home were a weekly occurrence, but Dad was firm and told me to stick it out. My second year was a little easier, but I would have moved back to Malaysia in a heartbeat. Dad said to trust him and that one day I would realise how much of a sacrifice they both made for me. By my third year in England, the patience and perseverance he had taught me had paid off - I finally felt settled and had the perfect circle of friends. When it came to half term breaks, Dad would often schedule his business trips to coincide and we would go on adventures together, just me and him - e.g. to New York and Chicago. I was so proud that Dad did not miss a single Parents Evening during my entire time at Benenden; teachers would always tell me how impressed they were with his efforts, despite him living abroad. During our travels together, I remember something Dad told me that will stay with me forever. He said he was proud of the person I was becoming, and that he enjoyed spending time with me - not because he had to, as I was his daughter, but because he genuinely liked my company. He said that if we weren't family, he would choose me as a friend. I will remember that for the rest of my life.
Throughout my adult years, Dad continued to be a significant figure in my life. Despite the distance, he & Mum were always there for help, comfort or guidance. Hindsight is a wonderful thing - I am forever grateful that he insisted I stayed in England all those years ago, as it has helped change and shape me for the better. When my life started falling apart in 2013, one of my first thoughts was that I did not want to disappoint my parents. I was scared of how they would feel and worried they would see me as a failure. As clear as day, I remember my Dad's face and words during the first Skype call we had after I had moved up North at the start of 2014. All he cared about was that I was OK and he told me how much he loved me and that he would support any choice I made. In the years that followed, his failing health coincided with a sense of peace he felt for me. Peace that I had managed to find happiness again, peace that he knew Paul would look after me, peace that I was starting to pursue my interests and dreams, and peace that I was being the truest version of myself. I am grateful every single day that I was blessed with such an amazing, intelligent and kind father - and I made sure he knew how I felt about him before he passed.
